Thursday, September 8, 2011

The beginning of the End

There are four weeks of official school left. Two this term and two after the holidays.
Exams will be soon.
It's really odd, that my twelve years of schooling are about to come to an end. I can still remember the first day of Prep and now its the end of year 12.
I feel like there's this large wave, big and dark and scary, looming above me. And as soon as I stumble out of my last exam, its going to swallow me whole. And I won't know what to do.
I know that I'm going to apply for TAFE , a graphic design course is the only bearable thing I can think of doing. And I'm applying for a job at Coles in the fresh food department (just like my older sister *sigh*) but still, everything feels unfinished and unsure and I have this distinct feeling that these expectations are going to fall short.
Everyone at school is sluggish. You can see it in class, when you talk to them, when you walk passed them.
I noticed it more today, that even with two weeks to finished everything, we can't summon the energy or the motivation to keep trucking along. Everyone is on the verge of getting sick. Coughing and sniffling and exhausted. Purple smudges under their eyes, like they don't sleep anymore, or like they're on drugs. There's no fighting, but don't get me wrong theres still gossip and snarky comments, but you can see the weariness just leeching out of them and they can't be bothered fighting.

It's like running:
You start off strong. You think you're going great. You can do this.
And then you're legs start to ache. But its fine, everyone gets a little sore. You keep on running.
You're pace is a little slower. It's no longer a race. Everyone just wants to get to the end.
You start taking breaks. You're legs are cramping up. You try to drag you're friends along with you, but they're just as tired.
In the end you can't run anymore. You can see the finish line.
You start crying. You don't want to do this anymore. You know you're going to fail.
You're walking now. Arms wrapped around yourself so you don't fall apart.
Out of breath and so very, very tired. You wonder if it will be worth it, in the end.

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